When meeting with married couples in therapy, I am so often struck that they are arguing about a topic that they never discussed before marriage. Each partner is now surprised that the other person sees it differently. When I explore this with them, what I often hear is that it never occurred to them to discuss these ‘far-in-the-future’ events beforehand.
Topics like …
Do we have the same values about health and fitness?
Will we celebrate all birthdays and holidays with extended family?
How will we share housework? Childcare?
What will our standard of ‘tidiness’ be?
What amount of our incomes will we save vs. spend?
What constitute an affair?
How much debt is OK?